Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Big Snark-Off: Death Turtle Edition

AHA! Great Minds Think Alike!
One of my snark-idols, Lileks had thoughts similar to mine on Monday's 40th anniversary of the moon landing. This indicates to me that we must be approximately the same age.
“This is the hour of rejoicing” via (title unknown) by Lileks on 7/20/09.

"I knew we’d make it. I knew they’d come back safe. They were astronauts...It wasn’t just geeky nerd-boys who lived for Space. It seemed everyone did. Now that I think of it, I had my first - and possibly last - act of actual journalism in the summer of 1969; I got a cassette tape recorder for my birthday, and went over to Northport Shopping Center to ask people what they thought of the moon landing. (They were for it.) "

Let This Be A Lesson To You Department!
Back...away...from...the turtle... This torrid tale is reprinted in full below.

Turtles have a leisurely, gentle way about them. They're slow and steady and don't partake in any seaside drama. But just try to mess with their eggs!

These are some of the last known photos taken of one C. Sheldon Smith during a school field trip to the shore. Repeatedly told by his teacher "not to disturb the eggs; to look, don't touch; and to get your grimy hands off the goddamn eggs, how many times do I have to tell you, you freakish little moron," Sheldon squatted down, scooped up a cache of freshly laid leathery orbs, and in so doing, incurred the mighty wrath of mama turtle.

May the following snapshot, taken moments before the horrible deaths of Sheldon and his classmates (and the surrounding townsfolk) serve as a warning to us all.

Thus passeth the glory of the naughty boy/lizard king/potential death turtle

Vocabulary Department
The story is nothing particularly new, but the phrase "cow-irker" will now be stuck in my vocabulary forever! Blathermouth Cow-Irker via Etiquette Hell by admin on 7/21/09

Politics Department
This is bizarre. I can not figure out the reason for this. In the name of love and taquitos, WHY?

I'm Guessing They Didn't Have a Matching Card via Cake Wrecks by (Jen) on 7/21/09

On the other hand, I am struck by the detail on this representation of a dead Lenin.

And I also think it would be cool to name a band "The Dead Lenins," but I'm funny that way.

Paranormal Fiction Department

Now the Christian authors are getting into the act! And even NPR can't shut up about werewolves and werecoyotes and vampires and wereducks and crap like that. I expect to soon see a traffic warning sign: Caution: Amish Vampire Crossing

Makeitstop makeitstop makeitstop!

But, on the up side, a sequel to a book I'm fascinated with but haven't read yet (quoted in partial):

“The runaway success of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (which I have written about here and here) has inspired the publishers to try again, this time with sea monsters.
As reported in Early Word, Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters is taking Jane Austen's text into a world where terrible monsters lurk in every lake and pond. Our heroes must find love and stop the monsters.

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