Saturday, August 22, 2009

Dork Report - Healthy Edition

OK, I've had quite enough of this health care flap. WTFBBQOMG with a side of fries! My opinion is: For the love of God and latex gloves, let's just do something! I'm willing to sacrifice for the good of others.

Hey! You all who call this a Christian Nation or simply call yourselves Christians? Join me in the Great Commandment - that we should love one another as ourselves. I've had it with watching friends and co-workers go without health care because they have no insurance.

Let's take a look at some health-care dorks, shall we?

Interview with gun-toting protester at Obama rally was staged
ia Recently Published/Updated on 8/18/09
Staged? Who cares? How was it even appropriate that an assault rifle shows up at any kind of rally? It's not like he's in downtown Baghdad.

Commentary: When interest groups go too far
via Recently Published/Updated on 8/12/09
"Last week, Americans saw some disturbing images. During town hall meetings about health care reform, legislators and citizens were loudly interrupted and intimidated by members of the audience who refused to let them speak."

Ummm...can anybody think of a place in the constitution where it says intimidating people into silence is a good thing? No, I thought not.

Free speech = good.
Denying the opposition the chance to speak=bad

And a double-dork award for the media that only cover these ridiculous confrontations. Many of these town halls have gone off without a hitch.

Entertainment Department

Friend: Jon Gosselin 'is not the same as he was' via Recently Published/Updated on 8/20/09

Dan Brown's latest conspiracy thriller looks to be 'big, big'
via Books - Top Stories on 8/21/09
WHAT? How could this happen? Wow. I wasn't expecting that

Parenting Department
It just never ends...

Parenting Fail via FAIL Blog: Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments by Cheezburger Network on 8/20/09

Don't snakes carry salmonella? Or is that just Death Turtles?

At Least Someone Is Thinking Of The Children
via PROBABLY BAD NEWS by newshound on 8/6/09

Domestic Sciences Department
18 clever time-savers for super busy people via Recently Published/Updated on 8/3/09
Man, some of these are too dumb to live. Let's start right off with the first line:

Ingenious ideas from (and for) busy women everywhere. Hmmm...didn't that line go out about 1972?

And some of the suggestions...

Make a quick breakfast
Put all your fruit, milk, silken tofu, or yogurt in the blender pitcher and store the pitcher in the refrigerator overnight. (You can even prechop a banana. It will brown, but that will not affect the flavor of the shake.) In the morning, set it on the blender and press the button.

Oh good grief. All my fruit? Here's an even quicker breakfast: Breakfast bars. Bonus: Your kids will eat them. As opposed to the rotten-banana-looking shake thing with tofu.

Thanks for the tip about pressing the button on the blender, though. I was wondering why mine wasn't working.

Put the kids to work
Tired of hearing "What's for dinner?" and "That again?" Turn over the role of meal planner and cook to your family.

Oh yeah, that's gonna work. 1) It assumes all these busy people have kids. 2)It assumes a toddler is able to prepare a meal 3) It assumes a teen is going to "remember" to make a meal. 4)Someone (ie: YOU) is going to have to clean up the mess.

Never miss another birthday
Send out birthday cards once a month. Receiving one early is better than not receiving one at all.

Here's a ticket for the clue-train: Just ditch the cards altogether. Maybe for your mom or a close relative. Srsly, does anyone expect a birthday card from their neighbors anymore? Email, email, email. If you must. There. Problem solved.

Start a recipe chain letter
OK, how does this work with: Put the kids to work.

And I'm sure we all have time to sit down and write out the recipe, snail-mail it, and anxiously await the day when your name will float up to the top and you'll receive a boatload of yummy recipes that will satisfy your entire family. Oh yeah, that's a real time-saver - NOT

Time-stamp your photos
When you get your photographs developed, label the envelopes before leaving the store. WHAT? Who does this anymore? Let me explain this: the pictures you take with a digital camera are already date-stamped when you upload them to the computer. Backup frequently. Print out as needed. Done.

I think this entire article was surreptitiously lifted from Good Housekeeping in 1963.