Saturday, November 07, 2009

The Big Snark-Off! Cautionary Tale Edition

My goodness, look at Susie all grown-up!

She gets the best grades of the whole class in Home-Ec. Surely she'll make some man a fine wife someday.

That nice neighbor boy, Kenny, is always coming over to grab Susie's cupcakes!

Math Anxiety! via Awful Library Books by marykelly48 on 10/24/09
Mom is so proud of little Kenny! Good grades and he's dating that sweet little Susie from church.

Their faith and common sense will surely keep them safe from harm throughout their lives. Praise God!

Coffee, Tea or Me?
via Awful Library Books by marykelly48 on 10/12/09

Susie's Dad is just skipping with glee as he sees his little girl growing up. Previously only interested in cooking and playing dress-up with her cat she has just started dating that cute little boy from next door.

That Kenny is just dreamy in a hot nerdy way. His interest in hot rod safety speaks volumes about his character. I'd trust my girl with him any day!

Teen Wheels via Awful Library Books by hhibner on 11/5/09
Look! See Kenny's car. Kenny has a new car. Kenny is so excited he's going throw a rod. Now he and Susie can have all the privacy they need on a date!

Kenny: "Hey babe, can't wait to shine up the hood and extend the antenna so we can make out in the backseat tonight after the big game!"

Susie: "Here's the key to my chastity belt! Let's get it on!

When duct tape and plastic aren’t enough…
via Awful Library Books by marykelly48 on 10/5/09

There was just one little thing left behind that night. And that thing just got bigger and bigger.

Oh why did they skip school the day "family preparedness" was discussed in health class!

How could they know that Saran Wrap could not save them from impending disaster!

Cheap Dates via Awful Library Books by marykelly48 on 11/3/09

One teenage pregnancy, a mortgage, chronic unemployment, and a
cretaceous divorce later, Ken struggles to get back into the dating game while Susie chuckles over his every bonehead move.

He was too cheap to buy condoms back then and he hasn't changed a bit!

But Susie was not left untouched by tragedy. Oh no. A few years later, suffering from empty-nest syndrome, aging, and crippling alcoholism, Susie turns to the two things that went right in her life.

Kittens and Home Ec.

Years later, Kenny and Susie met in an alley outside the homeless shelter. Upon sight each was overcome with rage at how their lives had ended up. Shivs were drawn, blood was spilled, and they killed each other

The End


Bitterly Books said...

Feedreader FAIL for me, because I should have been all over it when it was originally posted. It's just that awesome.

The only concievable improvement I could think of would be to include that woodworking book on building your own coffin at the end.

zirelda said...

Holy cow woman! I've missed you.