Thursday, December 22, 2011

Puppet Wars

Life at a branch library is always graced by the opportunity to participate in storytime.  Unless you absolutely despise children, storytime is fun.  It's like a little playtime built into your day. 

If you're lucky, your storytime kids will run up to you and hug you outside the library.  Like in the lingere department.  That was fun to explain.

When you start doing stuff in the children's department, a number of things start happening.  Almost immediately, everything on the planet starts gravitating to your desk.  Children's books.  Cute magnet board shapes.  Toy grasshoppers.  Pig noses. 

Cute Overload

But then something darker happens.  You walk into a storage closet and you see it.  You pretend it's not there.  You avoid the area as much as possible.  Storytime becomes tense because you know what's behind that storage door over there.  You're scared, but you can't let the kids know.  But you know. 

And, somehow, your supervisor knows.  She feels it's time to face your fears.  You are in charge of cleaning up the storage closet.  And that storage closet is overflowing with the one thing you detest:  Puppets.  Millions of puppets.  Puppets run amok.  A nightmare of puppets  Puppets that must be tracked down and jailed in their own personal Puppet-Guantanamo.

Time to declare Jihad.

First, it is important to identify the leader of the puppets.  Intelligence soon discovered the mastermind behind the occupation of the closet, one Teddy al-Bayr. al-Bayr was believed to be hiding in a back corner between the glue sticks and a box full of hats.

al-Bayr was also never without his personal cleric, one Kim Jong Boo-Boo.  Surprising communication and coordination existed in the puppet camp. 

The size of their Bear Force was impressive.

So the battle waged on.  Early on, there were rumors of a group of baby seals who planned to escape and come to our side.  Hopes were high that this group could then be employed against the Puppet faction.  We named them Seal Team 6.5.

Unfortunately, the rumors were untrue.  Some weeks later, we discovered that the defectors were not seals but, rather, turtles.  This also explained the length of time between rumor and their arrival at camp.

The battle raged on.

A few days ago, their camp became quieter.  Nothing good could come of this.  And nothing good did come of that.  Our spy had been discovered and returned to us. 


This brave soldier was found tossed headfirst into a box.  The noticeable scars will be with Chucky and all of us forever.

And so the war continues.  Intelligence has told us that al-Bayr's position is lacking appropriate fortification and may be breechable.  This is our greatest hope.

Until then, keep us in your thoughts and prayers.


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